So, you’re moving to the country for some…. (Part Two)

    PART TWO – Moving on from wee beasties and things that go bump in the night, there are one or two other things you might like to think around before taking that plunge to The Country. Here’s one – it can be really, really dark at night in the country. Darker than you might expect, if you are … Read More

So you’re moving to the country for some …. (Part One)

 ….. peace and quiet?   Ah. Well. Now there’s a thing.  Peace and quiet. And far be it for me to burst anyone’s aspirational bubble but – oh dear, where do I start? Well, if I may I think I’ll begin with the birds. Now I appreciate many might think of the tweet-tweeting of our little feathered friends as infinitely … Read More

Would it be alright if I have a bit of a ……. Rant? (Part Two)

  (Part Two) Personally I blame… … the weather presenters. That’s not to say I don’t love them.  Particularly the BBC ones. Sometimes I stay up when I’d really like to go to bed just to see who is presenting the weather. Then I have to watch not only the News at Ten weather but also stay up to view the … Read More

Would it be alright if I have a bit of a…. (Part One)

    Would it be alright if I have a bit of a…. ….RANT?? About the Weather? Just a little one. I mean I don’t want to go on about it too much or anything, but it’s this – WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO OUR FECKING SUMMER??!!!! It occurs to me that dealing with disappointment might not be one of … Read More

Ageing Disgracefully Part Two ….

Part Two …. Sunday.  07.47 Oh God. Transfixed, I peer into our desperately unforgiving bathroom mirror.  I am looking at a giant, puffy, bright red, bulbous tomato. It is me.  I am a giant, puffy, roasting hot, bright red bulbous tomato!  I shut my eyes and take a breath. Through half closed lashes I peer again.  I look like an … Read More

Ageing Disgracefully …. (Part One)

Part One – Saturday. 06.37 You have GOT to be joking! I stare in fascinated horror at the humungous, shimmering, perfectly poo-shaped quivering mass resting atop my right bicep. Eerily transparent, it wobbles with outer-space other worldliness in the early morning gloom. I try not to panic. It’s still coming! Squinting through the pale light that peels through the window … Read More

Our layabout 15 year old Teen Wretch….

… is asleep, which I appreciate is hardly an unusual state of affairs, and admittedly not particularly noteworthy if that single piece of information is to be taken at face value. However, there are a couple of reasonably unusual factors at play here:1. It’s 1700 hours. That’s 5pm in old money. I clarify not because you won’t know that but … Read More

Post New Year Blues – Part Three…

…. Loud crash of smashing porcelain as a delightful blue and white china bowl hits our newly laid wooden floors.  I curse.  It’s one of my favourites and part of a set. Of course it is.  It couldn’t possibly be an old gnarly, already chipped bowl now could it? No – it’s got to be one that you really like … Read More

Post New Year Blues – Part Two…

Part Two …. Painfully aware of the loudly ticking clock and urgent need to get the dogs outside for wee-ing and poo-ing – (ditto the kids, although I do allow them to use the bathroom these days – boom-boom!) I stumble down to face the onslaug….. the day. Teen Wretch One up unusually early for revision purposes, and there’s breakfast … Read More

Post New Year blues – Part One

Part One … January. 06.05. Dank, dismal. ‘Nuff said. Worse – February’s next, oh dear. Frankly, it’s already been a long month. It’s only Monday and I’m wondering how the hell I’m going to make it to gin o’clock on Friday? 06.11, and I manage to peel myself from under the cosy if ever so slightly sweaty duvet. It was … Read More